Till we meet again, Buddy!



(The only photo I have with Jaspal)

Dear Jaspal

                            

             I guess it is ironic that this letter will never get to you. Not that I had intended to, anyway. This is my way of grieving for your departure. To put thought to paper, for me, requires a great deal of mental processing. Most of it will never make it on paper. But I find it helpful. Perhaps, the educator in me also wants to share this in the hope that it will help others to learn how to grieve as well. I guess, at best, the tone of this letter is probably similar to that of the speech you gave at my wedding. I just watched it again yesterday, and probably will before I head down to Mandai to see you one last time in a few hours.

                           

             We have been friends since you were 19, and I, 18. This would make it a friendship of almost 19 years.
            

             After I had gotten married, the frequency of our meetings was significantly reduced. We, or rather I, could no longer afford the weekly Friday/Saturday night meetings. I suppose, I felt that as along as we had kept in touch, even if it be via sms, that would be enough.

                

             When I received an sms from you a few months back, I knew I had to meet you. It's a pity I have since deleted the message. But if my memory serves me correctly, it read:

                     

             "Hi Bro, I still have the bible you gave me 8 years ago. I can't wait to meet up with you to share with you the miracle that God has done in my life."

                          

             I invited you to my place for dinner. We made sure to include prawns in the menu, and long beans. Lisa remembered how you had asked for extra prawns in your spaghetti once at Swensons, and I remember the lunches/dinners you had in my house 10-odd years back and your liking for beans. I know you're not quite a red meat person and so we had chicken tikka.

            

             You came late, as usual, and with such a big box of Kit Kat for the girls, that Lisa and I too, had had a great time helping the girls to finish them all up. Haha! I remember you turning away the offer for more prawns as, you had said, had to keep your eye on the cholesterol.

            



(Signing the guest book at
my wedding reception)

             I was quite surprised at how Ashlyn, so often afraid of the "Uncles" on the street, was not at all, rattled by you. She had in fact, wanted me to carry her, so that she could wave her hello at you more clearly. "You don't give me credit," you had quipped, when I had expressed my surprise at that, and you went on to share your strategy of how you had tried to make her feel at ease. And indeed, Jaspal, I must admit, you have always been good with kids, man. This reminds me of a conversation we had years and years ago, with Nelson, when you guys had predicted that I would be the first to get married (how true, ya?). Together, we had painted a picture of the future, where we would be seated, happily chit-chatting, with our kids playing somewhere together. Our kids would be friends, and their kids, friends as well, we had declared. What a vision!

                                   

             Finally, as we sat at the sofa with a glass of wine, you shared your 'miracle' with me. You spoke of how you had lost your job, but felt complete peace. I remember, being a bit perplexed. Lost your job, that was your miracle? You went on to share of how you had gone ahead to apply for a job at 7-11. But, how the very next day, you had been offered another job. However, since you had accepted the offer at 7-11, you decided to put in the weekend shift there. Then, came Part 2 of your miracle. All the money that you earned from 7-11, you gave to God, you had said. Wow! All these didn't exactly fit into my definition of 'miracles' but I was beginning to see your point. You were unperturbed. You had found The Peace. I know that this Peace sometimes comes and goes. Such is life. But once tasted, it becomes a life-changing encounter. I am pretty sure, Bro, and I would like to remember it this way, a switch had been flicked, and it was life-changing in a very much positive way.

                  

             Before you left, late that night, you shared one more thing with me. "I got to tell you about the strangest, freakiest, dream I had." I recall you saying. "I dreamt I died." *Eyes Popped* I suppose, having just lost my grandmother, I hadn't been too keen to explore that topic further. So I had been quick to dismiss it. "But at least we know where we’re going," I had said, and we moved on from there.

            

(Delivering the speech at
my wedding)

        

     A couple of weeks later, we decided to show Leanne and Ashlyn our wedding video. I watched your well-wishes, and well-crafted speech. I was touched. That night I messaged you and let you know that I was touched by what you had said. Your reply? "What about?" I said that we'd watch the video together the next time you came over. That was the last time we communicated.

  

(Most friends will remember this
typical expression of his)

             When I received the news from Vincent, I really wasn't prepared. I was so stunned that somewhere deep down, I thought a mistake had been made. Even after your father had told me the news, I couldn't believe it. Your father had really been too calm and composed on the phone, I had rationalised. Only when I saw the obituary yesterday, did it then finally begin to sink in.

            

             I do grieve for you, Bro— for unfulfilled dreams, for the sudden departure, for memories of the past - both fond and not so fond. For a future in this world that will have to continue without you. What a loss.

             

             At my wedding, you had said, “I have known Anselm for 13 wonderful years, and in that time, Anselm has been more than a brother to me. He’s been the younger brother I guess I always wanted in a very large way.” To me, Bro, you too, have been more than a brother to me, and the older brother I have always wanted in a very very large way.

              

             I would like to leave you with a stanza of Robert Frost's Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening poem, which you had shared with me years back as you looked positively at your personal challenges:

           

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

                                                                              

             Thank you for standing by me during my most difficult days. I'll see you on the other side, Buddy.

                      

Cheers, mate!

Anselm

  

(A candid moment worth remembering)



We are an easily offended lot of people, aren't we?

I have been thinking about this for a long time. Either the media is suffering from a serious bout of news constipation or we really are getting more and more petty. Think about it. When was the last time someone annoyed you? I suspect this happens, because in Singapore we don't have very much to be annoyed at.

            

I made a list of 'offences'. Let me be very clear that they do not reflect my own opinions, so I do hope it does not offend anyone. It was written tongue-in-cheek and, with a dose of sarcastic humour, inspired by what I have read online or from the newspapers.

1. Don't blink too much or you could lose at an election.
2. The next time you complete a Travel Declaration Form, cover your 'answers' (even if it is only to JB to buy cheaper groceries) lest you want to make classmates (or their parents) who cannot afford to travel, upset.
3. Close your windows when you cook or you could end up being hauled to the Community Mediation Centre.
4. Analyse whether a smell has got any racial, religious, political or any other links before you complain about it.
5. Don't complain too much about someone complaining about the smell of something unless you want to be accused of being against that person's race, religion or political affiliation. (Remember, Xenophobic?)
6. Make sure you, and whatever you take with you on the public transport -- prams and tissue packets included-- look presentable. You never know when someone might snap a picture of you and post it on stomp.
7. Tissue packets have received far too much free advertising. Switch to using handkerchiefs.
8. Forget about hanging out your laundry where the sunshine is. Hang it where HDB has positioned the gala pole holders, or you could be accused of uglifying our beautiful environment.
9. Dry (??) your laundry before you hang them out to dry unless you are dying to make friends with your neighbour downstairs.
10. Better to play safe and avoid sitting on the train. (Else look at [6])
11. If you're a foreigner working in Singapore, convincing a Singaporean about how much you are contributing to the economy is the surest way to make an enemy.
12. Be careful about what you write or you could offend someone.
13. Be careful about what you read or you could be offended.

I am sure I too, have my own set of trivial ones. I have been reminding myself that when the urge to be offended arises, 1) there are other things worth being offended at. Let's save our energy for that. 2) It won't be long before I, myself, offend someone. 3)Something that offends you, offends you because you have allowed it to offend you. 4) Most recently, sleep on it. It'll be ok in the morning. If it's not, then give it a few more mornings. Eventually, you'll see how insignificant the offence really is.

One of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World?

When we got into Halong after a four-hour journey, it was raining. I didn't mind the rain, really. We were just a little disappointed that that this marred the visibility, as you can tell from the picture to the left. In any case, we kept our hopes up for a clearer day the next.

As hoped, just when it mattered most, we were blessed with fairly good visibility (There was a bit of rain at the beginning) as you can see from the picture below.

It was quite a thrill to be maneuvering amidst these towering blocks of limestone rocks in our Chinese Junk.

Halong Bay has been a UNESCO World Natural Heritage Site since 1994. It is also one of the nominees for the Seven Natural Wonders of the World. On 11/11/2011, the world will know whether Halong Bay does indeed deserve that honour. I am hoping that it does make it. Of course, we have read of how these islets excite geographers, and that it is rich in both mythological and historical significance. But, you see, the people in Halong (and Vietnam in general) are not all affluent. And this status could bring in good tourist dollar. Moreover attaining this status would provide further incentive to preserve the area, sparing it from development and protecting it from pollution.